


Aexnul's Gift

by cynatnite



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 22:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1321138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The human female is pregnant for an average of 266 days. Phil Coulson isn't a female and Clint Barton refuses to be a father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aexnul's Gift

**Day 1**

To get an invitation from any Asgardian for a visit to another realm was unheard of. It was common knowledge that Odin tolerated little of other beings especially from primitive Midgard. Phil Coulson, of SHIELD, was thrilled when Thor extended an invite courtesy of his father to not only him for a tour, but also Clint Barton.

They made the trick quick enough through the bifrost and upon arriving, Clint was grinning and Phil was a little out of breath.

“That was something else. We’ve got to do that again?” Clint said with a wide smile.

Phil shook his head. It was moments like these he felt more like an indulgent father than Clint’s live-in mate of two years. “I’d rather take the Tornado at Coney Island instead.”

“That wimpy ride,” Clint replied shaking his head.

Thor motioned to the figure on the platform. “Heimdall, these are friends of Asgard. Clint Barton and Son of Coul.”

“You can call me Phil.” Phil couldn’t resist a small smile.

“Surnames are a sign of great respect to fellow warriors,” Heimdall stated.

“You can just call me Barton.” Clint folded his arms expecting a comment about his bow fighting.

“Hmm,” was all that Heimdall said.

“Come,” Thor said. “We have much to see before tonight’s feast.”

Their first stop was intended solely for Clint. In the courtyard he handled several weapons, met the challenges of several warriors and showed off his impressive bow skills. It took little time for him to earn respect and awe of his ability to keep up with much larger and stronger warriors.

The next tour was technology which was the primary objective of the trip. While the Asgardians were not willing to share their technology, they would brief them on a limited amount of it in various areas. It was the hope that the Asgardians would part with some bits of knowledge.

After communications and other fields, Clint and Phil were lead to the healing room. A healer explained how they examined illnesses and injuries then began the healing process. They were guided to pediatrics, gerontology and a host of other areas. The final leg was a neonatal area where babies were being examined.

“This looks so simple compared to home,” Phil observed. “Your healing arts are incredibly simplistic.”

“Asgardians understand preventing illness and disease beforehand is what maintains our longevity compared to your people,” Thor explained. “It does appear we have conquered so much, but that is not the case. Our people can still be struck down by malady or are conceived with malformations.”

“Not born with it?” Clint asked.

“We prevent such things long before birth,” Thor explained. He took Phil and Clint to another part of Asgard not far from the palace. Inside he showed them a large table with a platform. On each side were smaller platforms. Hanging over it was a pearl shaped object.

“This is big,” Phil said.

“We call it Aexlun,” Thor told them. “It can predict malformations, cure such things.”

“Is that all?” Clint walked around it.

“Those who have hand-fasted will often seek out its wisdom for child-rearing.”

“How to raise children?” Phil asked. “Seems a bit strange.”

“Its abilities go far beyond my understanding, Son of Coul.”

An Asgardian warrior entered the room. “My prince., you are needed momentarily.”

“By your leave,” Thor said with a slight bow.

After he was gone, Clint gazed upward. “This place is fucking incredible. Can you imagine living here?”

“It’s a bit ostentatious for my taste. Too grand.”

“I suppose, but Thor says they know how to party and this feast is bound to be legendary to hear him tell it.” Clint walked closer to the object.

“Clint, what are you doing?”

“Just checking this thing out. He hasn’t let us touch a damn thing since we started this tour. Don’t you want to tell Fury more than “Thor said” when we get back?”

“Be careful. I’m not up to offending Odin. He’s xenophobic enough as it is.”

Clint got on one of the table and stepped up on a platform to get a better look at the technology. “I don’t have a clue what I’m even looking at.”

“Hurry up before he gets back.”

“See what you make of this, Phil.”

Phil was more worried about upsetting the delicate relationship his people had with the Asgardians than getting a glimpse at their technology. His objective was to earn their trust first. The rest would come later.

“Phil, get over here.”

“Fine.” Phil crossed the room and got up on a platform next to Clint. He gazed over the large table at the obscure language. “Selvig said the Asgardians had an ancient Old Norse dialect he wasn’t familiar with. I’m not sure we’d ever understand any of this.”

“Let’s find out.” Clint got out his iPhone.

Phil nearly panicked. “What are you doing?”

“Tourists take pictures.”

Clint held out the phone and was about to snap a photo when Phil reached over to snatch it out of his hand. Clint jerked it out of reach and both men reached for the table at the same time. Their hands landed at that exact moment next to each other on the table.

The pearl shaped object began rotating and a glowing ray swept over them. It settled on Phil starting with the top of his head and focused in on his heart before moving down to his stomach.

“By the gods! Thor yelled.

The light abruptly ended and Phil nearly lost his footing.

“Phil!” Clint caught hold him. “Are you okay?”

Phil closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Fine, I just got dizzy for a sec.”

“What the hell did that thing do to him?” Clint yelled at Thor.

“You were not to touch any of our technology. This was agreed upon.”

“You’re right,” Phil said. “We shouldn’t have and we learned. I’m sorry, Thor.”

Thor grew concerned. “Perhaps one of our healers should see you.”

“Maybe he’s right, Coulson.”

“I’m fine,” Phil assured them both. “That bifrost trip took a lot out of me.” He straightened. “I feel much better.”

Clint wasn’t completely convinced, but he relented as did Thor. Nothing was said of the incident for the remainder of the tour or to Odin for fear of offending the All-Father.

By the time they arrived back at their apartment, Phil was exhausted. Clint couldn’t get him to eat more than soup and finally got him to bed.

When he crawled into the covers next to Phil, Clint said, “Maybe you ought to have Banner check you out. He’s spending a lot of time in Tony’s labs these days.”

“Really, I’m fine, Clint. Stop worrying so much. It’s been a long day. A good night’s rest is all I need.”

“If you’re not better tomorrow…” Clint warned.

Phil leaned over and kissed him. “I love you.”

Those three words always assured Clint and he laid back. “You win. Just don’t hold back if you’re not better.”

~*~

**Day 6**

Less than a week later, Phil and Clint were called to the conference room at SHIELD HQ for an emergency meeting. They arrived from their duties nearly at the same time and when they walked into the room they were facing not only Director Nick Fury, but also an Asgardian woman standing not far from Thor. Sitting at the conference table were Tony, Steve, Bruce and Natasha.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked.

“I should ask you two knuckleheads the same thing.” Fury said crossing his arms. His one eye pinned them in place. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Sir?” Phil asked.

“The Aexnul,” Thor said. “The device was activated when you both placed your hands upon it.”

Clint was alarmed. “Are we okay?”

“We’ve been fine since it happened,” Phil assured everyone.

The Asgardian woman came forward. “I am Gyinn, a healer of Asgard. We discovered the Aexnul was activated upon your touch and indications are a genetic calculation was performed for viability.”

“Both of us touched it,” Clint said.

“Yes,” Gyinn confirmed. “The Aexnul determined the desires and needs of both Son of Coul and Clint Barton. It indicates that genetic transportation was more than adequate and performed the desired tasks. We must ascertain if it was successful since it’s never had contact with those of Midgard.”

Bruce took off his glasses and sat up straighter in his chair. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“What’s she saying?” Clint asked.

Gyinn faced both men squarely. “One of you is likely with child.”

The silence in the room was deafening.

“Get out of town!” Tony exclaimed. “You have a baby-making machine!”

“N..n..n..o,” Clint stuttered. “That c…c…can’t be. We’re…men.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked Clint. “That machine may have moved a few parts around if you know what I mean.” He waggled his eyebrows for emphasis.

“Stark,” Fury said with his head in his hand.

“Not helping,” Natasha said with clenched teeth.

“My friends,” Thor said. “In our world, men become with child as commonly as our women do. It is the way of keeping a balance between the sexes. Many of our finest warriors have given Asgard strong infants.”

“You mean Odin…” Bruce asked.

“No, my father’s duties prevented him from having a child himself.”

“Nonetheless,” Phil said. “We’re fine. There is nothing wrong with us.”

“We wish you to come to Asgard for further examination,” Gyinn explained. “We must be assured the Aexnul did not harm you.”

“Would a cursory examination here on Earth satisfy you?” Bruce asked.

Gyinn looked to Thor then to Bruce. “If witness I your methods and I am satisfied then perhaps the All-Father will be relieved as well.”

“Madam,” Phil said. “Please express to Odin our deepest apologies. We meant no harm.”

“The All-Father has been gracious in this matter. He wishes only for your good health,” Gyinn explained.

“Well, if you will follow me,” Bruce said as he got to his feet. “Let’s go see if anyone’s pregnant.”

As they left, Steve glanced at Tony who had his phone out. “What are you doing?”

“Getting in touch with Hill. She’s in good with one of the Warriors Three.”

Steve yanked the phone away. “You are not getting one of those things.”

“Who wouldn’t want a baby-making machine?” Tony leaned back. “Let’s pick out names.”

“Oh, God.” Steve covered his ears.

“Captain Iron. Sounds like a multi-vitamin . America Man. Could have a girl. Antonia Rogers. God, that’s worse than America Man. “

~*~

It took nearly two hours of examinations and blood work on both men. They nervously waited with their anxious friends. It seemed to take forever for the results to be announced. It was Bruce who gave the good news.

“They’re fine. Other than Coulson’s slightly elevated white count, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. No HCG or other traceable hormones normally associated with pregnancy were detected.”

“We should reexamine them after the passing of one of your moon cycles,” Gyinn suggested.

“Sure,” Bruce agreed.

“Now, wait,” Clint said. “What about an ultrasound. You can tell if someone’s pregnant with that?”

“It’s been less than a week. If it kept with human development there is no way to observe an embryo at this juncture,” Bruce explained.

“And Phil’s elevated white count?” Clint asked.

“I didn’t feel good that day,” Phil said. “Remember? The food was far richer than I’m accustomed to.”

“As low as it was, I can’t see getting concerned about it. Gyinn’s right. Let’s give it a month and recheck everything.”

“We still must ascertain if the Aexnul somehow malfunctioned,” Gyinn told the room. The grave concern was etched across her face. “This is most disturbing.”

“Why” Natasha asked.

“The Aexnul is a very precise and advanced instrument. Its calibration is absolute and will only operate under the wishes of at least one being when two are present. It insures only one may procreate at the moment of operation.”

“Let me get this straight,” Steve said. “Are you saying Clint or Coulson wanted to have a baby?”

“That’s crazy,” Clint told Gyinn. “Kids have never once been in our plans.”

“This is why we must determine if the device has somehow malfunctioned. It was never intended to go against one’s wishes.” Gyinn turned to Nick. “I thank you for your hospitality. My prince.”

“Of course.” Thor turned to the Avengers. “I will return.”

Clint glanced at Phil. “Well, we dodged a big bullet there, didn’t we? I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”

“Yeah.” Phil tried to smile. “Me, too.”

“You want to get a beer when we get done? O’Malley’s has a new dart set that I want check out.”

“No, go ahead. I’m working late.”

“Are you okay?” Clint asked.

“Fine, just after all the excitement I feel the need to wind down.”

“O’Malley’s, beer or even those Tom Colllins drinks you like.”

Phil shook his head. “I’ll see you at home.”

As Phil headed to his office, Natasha caught up with him. “You sure were quiet back there.”

“Was I?”

“This thing really threw you, didn’t it?”

“Wouldn’t anyone? Even I were a woman, I’d probably not react any differently.”

“Boss.” Natasha slid her arm through his. “You can talk to me, you know. Clint can be a bit thick-headed at times.”

“Thanks. I’m fine.”

She still didn’t believe him as he turned the corner for his office.

~*~

**Day 27**

The mess hall at SHIELD HQ was a favorite hangout of the Avengers anywhere from 2 – 3 times a week. Breakfast was the preferred meal and a favorite table had already been picked out.

Natasha took a seat across from Clint. “Where’s Coulson.”

“He’s coming.” Clint cut into his ham. “He had to make a pit stop. Third one this morning.”

Bruce joined them with his orange juice, banana, and oatmeal. “You two need to stop by the lab this afternoon,” he told Clint. “I’m taking a trip to Seattle for a consult later in the week.”

Clint nodded as he continued eating. He glanced over as Phil sat next to him with a large stack of pancakes and a glass of milk. Next to the plate sat a jar of peanut butter and a coffee cup of syrup.

No one spoke as Phil took his knife and covered each pancake with peanut butter. He glanced at Bruce’s tray. “Do you mind?”

“No, go ahead.” Bruce’s eyes never left Phil’s activities.

Phil proceeded to slice the banana on top of the pancakes and then finish off the masterpiece with a dousing of syrup. He took a large bite.

“I think there are troths back in the kitchen,” Tony announced as he took a seat while Steve sat across from him.

“What is this?” Clint asked. “Normally, it’s a piece of healthy fruit, yogurt and the stiffest cup of coffee you can find. You’ve got a six-pack of pancakes and a quart of syrup plus the peanut butter.”

“God, even I find that disturbing,” Natasha said with distaste.

“That’s the woman who won’t touch an egg unless it’s been adequately covered with jalapenos,” Steve added.

“Just felt like pancakes,” Phil answered. He took a large drink of milk.

“No, you felt like eating as if you’re a fucking army ranger,” Nick announced as he approached the group. He slid a chair over and sat at the end of the table as if he were commanding his helicarrier. “You’re not anymore.”

“So, you keep reminding me.” Phil continued eating. He wondered what had taken him so long in enjoying such fantastic food.

“Barton,” Nick said. “I need you to bust some new recruit ass. Sitwell can’t do badass worth a shit.”

“I got weapons testing, sir.”

“Hill’s testifying in a subcommittee this afternoon in DC. Everyone got moved up to cover for the person over them. That puts you with the FNG’s.”

“Shit.” Clint hated training new recruits despite the fact that he was one of the best trainers at SHIELD.

“I need Coulson and Barton in the lab this afternoon,” Bruce told Fury.

“They’ll be there,” Fury assured him. “Coulson, could you get Lassiter to move his fucking teams out of training mode. His ass has got to be in Chechnya in two days. Hydra’s trying to get into the government toppling business.”

“No problem, sir,” Phil said between bites.

When Fury spied Tony and Steve trying to make an exit, he said, “Hey, you two.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve said.

“You both get weapons testing.”

Fury shook his head when he saw Tony’s cheeky grin. “I know I’m going to regret that. He’ll go ‘Tim-the-tool-man-Taylor’ on every weapon we’ve got.”

“Either that or they’ll be fit for the next Toy Story movie. Tony’s out of the weapons business,” Natasha reminded Fury.

Phil finished off his milk and stood up. “I’ve got a pile of status reports waiting for me in my office. He gave Clint a touch on the shoulder then turned to leave.

Fury followed him down the hallway. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Fine, why?”

“You hate pancakes. Remember?”

“Do I?”

“Can you count the times you threw them at Baker when we were in Alaska?”

“Seemed like a good idea.”

“Peanut butter.” Fury shook his head. “Was that bananas I saw?”

Before Phil could answer he covered his mouth and bolted down the hall to the nearest bathroom. By the time Fury found him he was puking in a toilet.

“Shit!” Fury’s suspicions were nearly concerned until he heard Coulson’s next statement.

Phil leaned against the stall door and looked up at his supervisor. “I have to report a possible change in my health status, sir.”

~*~

Bruce turned around when he heard the door to his lab slide open. He removed his glasses as Fury and Phil approached him. He met them in the middle of the room.

“Doctor, Agent Phil Coulson has something he’d like to tell you.”

“Coulson?”

Phil opened his mouth to talk and then proceeded to throw up all over Bruce’s shoes.

~*~

Clint darted down the hallway and was met by Fury. “What happened? How is he?”

“He’s fine. Banner is still with him in the examining room.”

“I gotta see him.”

The door opened and Clint pushed past Bruce. Phil sat on the edge of the examining table. “Everything is fine,” Phil assured him. “I threw up that god awful breakfast. Pancakes don’t like me.”

“I was told you were sick.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil said. He tried to give Clint a reassuring smile. “We do have something to talk about.”

“What?”

Phil looked to Nick and Bruce. “Can you leave us alone?”

After they left, Clint said, “You’re fucking scaring me, Phil.”

“It seems the Asgardians were right. Something did happen that day on Asgard.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m pregnant.”

It took more than a minute for the words to settle. Clint’s mouth opened, then he closed it. Then he opened it again. “Pregnant?” He shook his head. “You can’t be.”

“I don’t know how…”

Clint did an about face and stormed out of the room. He rounded on Bruce. “He’s got a thing inside of him?”

“We haven’t done an ultrasound yet, but everything indicates that he is pregnant.”

“How is that fucking possible? You said we were fine.”

“We can retest you, Clint. However, Phil has exhibited all the symptoms. Water retention, appetite changes, morning sickness…”

“He threw up once.”

“Twice if you count my shoes,” Bruce said a bit sheepishly. “Phil said he’s had a few bouts of nausea.”

“You mean he’s known before today.”

“He wasn’t sure.”

“Okay,” Clint said walking back and forth. He looked at Fury and Bruce. “What’s next? Surgery?”

“Well, we need to run a few more tests,” Bruce told him. “An ultrasound would be the next step. I can set it up in a couple of hours.”

“Then you take that fucking thing out of him. Right?”

“Son…” Fury began.

“I’m not your son,” Clint bit out. “Did you have anything to do with this? You like fucking with people, Fury. It’s as much as part of your genes as SHIELD is.”

“Clint,” Bruce said. “Coulson already said he’d refuse surgery unless his health is at risk.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Doc? His fucking health is at risk!”

“It’s not as far as I can tell,” Bruce told him. “Every test I’ve conducted so far indicates that there’s nothing wrong with him other than pregnancy signs and symptoms.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Women’s bodies undergo tremendous changes while they’re pregnant. Coulson’s body is reacting as it would if he were a woman. He’s fine.”

“Wait a sec,” Clint said. “Back up. You said he refused surgery?”

“Yes,” Bruce answered.

Clint turned and went back into the exam room. “You’re going to let them take this thing out of you.”

“Dr. Banner has already said I’m healthy, Clint. There is no reason…”

“No reason!” Clint exploded. “You have a fucking alien inside you, Phil!

“We don’t know that for sure,” Phil told him.

“What kind of fucking answer is that?” Clint was beside himself. “Normal pregnancies don’t start with ‘we don’t know for sure’!”

“Let’s give this some more time,” Bruce told them. “We should proceed carefully.”

“And if it’s a fucking alien?” Clint said flaring his hands for dramatic emphasis.

“It’s not the movie,” Bruce said with half a laugh. He saw Phil’s deadpanned expression and immediately put on his serious face. “We’ll get an ultrasound.”

When they were alone, Phil reached over and took hold of Clint’s hand. “Everything will be fine. You’ll see.”

“This could hurt you,” Clint told him. “Make them take it out.”

“Will you trust me, please?”

“I always do.” Clint rubbed his face and sat in a nearby chair. “It’s your body. I can’t make you get the surgery.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, Phil. I get scared easy where you’re concerned.”

“I love you, too.”

~*~

**Day 63**

It was early morning and the habit had soon become Phil practically running to the bathroom. He always woke ten minutes before the alarm clock, but now his bladder had decided to rule his life. He was muttering curses under his breath as he started the coffee.

Phil headed for the shower and once under the hot water, he sighed. The door slid open and Clint got inside with him.

“Good morning.” Phil pulled him close.

“Right back at you, baby,” Clint whispered in his ear. He nuzzled Phil’s neck, then said. “Hold on, handsome. I’m going to ride you like a fucking stallion.”

“God,” Phil groaned.

He couldn’t ask for a better way to start off the morning. Satisfied, he went to the bedroom to get dressed. He sipped the coffee that Clint had brought him and took the suit he had hung out the night before.

Phil slipped on the pants and when he tried to button them he came up short. He tried it more than once before realizing that there was no use in making another attempt. Phil went through three slacks before settling on one from four years ago when he had been injured and had forced desk duty for several weeks. He had gained weight.

“Hey, what’s taking so long?” Clint hollered from the front room.

“I’m almost ready,” Phil replied. He made a mental note to do some shopping for new suits.

It was later in the morning when they arrived at Bruce’s lab for the next ultrasound. Phil planted himself on the exam table while Clint took the chair close by.

Bruce came in wearing his lab coat and glasses. “Hey, you two.”

“Good morning, Doctor.” Phil gave Clint a stern look for barely looking up from the game on his cellphone.

“Let’s get the exam out of the way.” Bruce pulled out the extension on the exam table and helped Phil lay back. “How have you been feeling?”

“Good,” Phil answered. “I get a little nauseated in the mornings. Northrop in R&D said crackers always did the trick for her first thing in the morning when she was pregnant. It’s helped.”

“Good.” Bruce palpated around the abdomen. He could feel a slight bulge.

“My bladder hates me,” Phil commented.

“No, your bladder hates giving up its space,” Bruce told him. He went to the other side of the room and pulled the ultrasound machine over. “We’ll get some more blood before you leave.”

“If you take anymore I’ll need Barton’s to live off of.”

“Ha ha,” was Clint’s snide reply.

“You’re humanity’s first honest-to-goodness male pregnancy. We might need a little extra,” Bruce said. He applied a small amount of cool gel on Phil’s lower abdomen and then set the transducer probe in that specific area.

Bruce eyed the monitor as he studied the images. He smiled a little at the new discoveries. “Well, what do you know?”

“What?” Clint’s head shot up from his phone. “Is something wrong?”

“It appears Asgardian technology is quite brilliant.”

“What do you see?” Phil asked.

“You have what remarkably looks like a human uterus. It attached itself to your lower intestine.” Bruce pointed towards the monitor. “It looks like a fully formed embryo is inside with a placenta. It’s no different than any other human pregnancy.”

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” Bruce asked.

“There’s a heartbeat?” Phil was shocked. He glanced at Clint who was slowly getting to his feet.

“Sure. Listen.” Bruce turned up the volume and the rapid thump of a heartbeat filled the room. “152 beats per minute. Perfectly normal.”

“Bullshit,” Clint muttered.

“Clint…” Phil began.

“This is not normal,” Clnt insisted. “That thing is not human. We don’t know what it is.”

“You’re right, we don’t,” Bruce told him as he set the probe aside. “I’m not willing to do anything unless Phil’s life is at risk and it’s not. All the blood work has come back within normal limits. This ultrasound is even normal.”

“This is not normal!” Clint loudly repeated. “You both are fucking crazy!” Clint pointed a finger at Phil. “You’ve been at SHIELD too long. Normal people are not okay with this.”

“Clint, please,” Phil said.

“And you!” Clint said to Bruce. “You’re a Frankenstein, a green one. I’d appreciate if you didn’t practice your batshit crazy medicine on my boyfriend!”

Before Clint got to the door, Bruce said,” Frankenstein didn’t name his monster.”

The door slammed behind Clint and Phil glanced up at Bruce. “Trust me, that didn’t help you.”

“Yeah, I just now got that.”

~*~

It was much later in the afternoon, Phil and Clint slipped away from work early to shop for clothes. At an upscale department store, they perused the suits. Phil checked the measurements on each one. With his rate of growth, nothing was acceptable. He glanced at Clint who had given up on dress shirts and chose to sit on a nearby bench.

“Are you still mad?”

“I should be,” Clint said with a heavy sigh. “That ultrasound threw me.”

“Dr. Banner said in another few months we’ll have much clearer images. We can even get a 3D ultrasound.”

“Great, it’ll be like really being there,” Clint replied sarcastically.

“When you get caustic, something’s bothering you.”

“Oh, you noticed,” Clint said raising his eyebrows. “You must be a superspy.”

“Is this how it’s going to be from now on?” Phil asked. “Every word out of your mouth is snide, condescending…”

“Goddamn it, Phil.” Clint got to his feet. “When are you going to stop being so damn cavalier? Why am I the only one who sees this as a huge fucking problem!”

“Lower your voice,” Phil said in a low voice. “This pregnancy is classified.”

“Maybe if you said it five times in a row you might realize how fucking insane this is!”

Phil gave up on the suits. “I’m going to athletics. I need something that stretches.”

“You should’ve brought Bruce shopping with you instead. I hear he’s into that sort of thing.”

“God, please stop being five,” Phil muttered under his breath.

~*~

**Day 92**

Phil was slumped at his desk and tapping the pencil on his coffee cup deep in thought. The last month had been no better between him and Clint. His lover was taking more missions out of country. He sighed for the seventh time.

Fury invited himself into Phil’s office and took the couch against the wall. “I heard you were depressing the staff. Just looking at you makes me want to have fucking therapy.”

“I know you’re trying to cheer me up.”

“No, I came to make your day worse.”

Phil raised his head. “Clint?”

“He’s fine. He and Romanov are busting up a weapons ring in Ontario and probably exchanging bad puns as we speak.” Fury took a moment before giving Phil the news. “You’re being temporarily taken out of operations for the duration of…” Fury motioned towards Phil.

“My pregnancy. It appears that aside from me, Bruce is the only one who can say the word without visibly flinching. Have you heard about the betting pool?”

“There’s a pool?”

“How can you not know?” Phil asked. “You run a worldwide spy organization.”

“Blame my assistant. He keeps the important shit off my desk.”

“It’s grown quite exponentially since word got out here at HQ. At first it was when will Agent Coulson pop. Then it was what will Agent Coulson pop. From there it turned into 38 different variations on every possible life form both known and unknown. Sitwell’s hoping I have a Klingon.”

“He is a trekkie,” Fury said.

“Don’t let him here you say that. He calls himself an avid trekker. There is a difference I’m told.” Phil leaned forward. “Who’s taking over?”

“I’m giving it to Jasper. He’s the only one that Barton won’t shoot.”

Bruce came into the room carrying a tray of tubes and whatnot for drawing blood. “Guess who pulled the short straw today?”

“Since you only have two people in your lab, I can only guess,” Phil said with a slight grin. He rolled up his sleeve as Bruce prepared to draw blood.

“Where’s Adams?” Fury asked.

“She had to bail her brother out of jail.”

“Do I want to know what happened?” Phil wondered.

“No, I already did that. It’s not worth the explanation.” Bruce took out the necessary items. “In a few weeks we’re doing an amnio. By then the fetus will be developed enough to give us a better idea of what’s going on inside you.”

“As long as it stays normal as it has been, the WSC will stay off my ass,” Fury said.

“You told them?” Phil was surprised.

“All they know is that it’s one of my people. They will never know who, Phil. You got my word on that.”

“Thank you.” Phil watched Bruce finish up and he pulled his sleeve down. “The bloating is worse.”

“It usually is for first pregnancies,” Bruce told him.

“I did not need to hear that.” Fury got to his feet. He froze when he saw Phil’s face. “Don’t tell me you’re fucking crying. There’s no fucking crying in SHIELD!”

“Director Fury,” Bruce said. “Agent Coulson has serious hormone issues.”

“Fuck me,” Fury said under his breath. “The world as we know it has ended.”

After he left, Bruce leaned over. “Is there anything I can do? I’ve got a shoulder, Phil.”

Phil took out his handkerchief. “No, it’s fine. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“I want you to start getting daily naps. It helps balance things out when you’re well rested. Think you can do that?”

“I will. Thank you, Dr. Banner.”

After he was gone, Phil reached over and touched the photograph of him and Clint. It had been taken during an outing on the New Jersey boardwalk last summer. He remembered how much fun they had that day. He grabbed his handkerchief and blew his nose hard.

~*~

**Day 113**

When Clint walked into the bedroom with Phil’s coffee, he stopped short at seeing his partner tearing suits off hangers and throwing them down.

“None of these damn things fit!”

Clint set the cup on the night stand. “You don’t have to throw your shit on the floor.”

“I’m too fucking fat!” Phil kept yanking clothes down.

“Stop it, right now!” Clint took hold of his arm. “Just stop, okay?”

Phil did and he sighed. “I can’t wear any of my suits.”

“We’ll go get you another or you can wear something else.”

“I can’t wear suits anymore, Clint. I need…” Phil clenched his jaw before finally saying the words. “Maternity clothes.”

“No,” Clint responded. He scooped up some clothes from the floor and put them on the bed. “You don’t need…that.”

“I’m just going to get bigger. Everyone knows it.”

“Phil, maybe it’s time you had Bruce do the surgery.”

“Why? I’m not having any problems. The morning sickness has passed and my tests are all fine.”

“Come on, Phil,” Clint said. “What’s it going to take for you to realize that this thing is dangerous?”

“It’s not a thing.”

“Stop it.”

“No, you listen to me, Clint. I am pregnant and not with a thing.”

“We don’t know what it is. You’ve seen the shit we deal with at SHIELD. This just appears normal, like Banner. Only this is alien.”

“You’re telling me to get an abortion,” Phil told him.

“Call it whatever the hell you want. Get that thing out of you before it hurts you. Jesus, Phil, this is scaring the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil said. “I never wanted to frighten you.”

“It does.” Clint moved closer and kissed Phil. “I can’t lose you. At least talk to Banner about it.”

“He’s coming by the office for more blood work.”

“Thank you.” Clint pulled Phil close.

Phil leaned into him and put his arms around Clint’s shoulders. Clint was his life and it was starting to sink in at how serious the situation was becoming.

~*~

When Bruce took the last tube of blood, he looked up and saw the Phil’s pensive face. “What’s wrong?”

“Clint and I had a talk this morning.”

“And?”

“Dr. Banner…”

“Come on, you can call me Bruce.”

“Bruce, Maybe the surgery isn’t a bad idea. I can’t wear any of my suits.” Phil adjusted the sweat pants to show Bruce how much he was growing.

“You want the surgery because you can’t wear your pants.”

“Clint’s made me aware of other possibilities I hadn’t considered.”

“Such as?”

“Such as on the outside it could appear fully human, but on the inside…” Clint took a pen and tapped it on the desk. “Did you ever see the movie Species? It looked human on the outside.”

“I just remembered why I hate horror sci-fi.” Bruce took a chair and leaned forward. “First off, it’s your choice whatever you want to do. I’m here to see to the needs of my patient which is you. Secondly, whatever decision you make you will be living with for the rest of your life. I can tell you without a doubt that regret is a bitch.”

“You don’t think I should do it.”

“You’ve presented some reasonable pros for the surgery. We are in the unknown here.” Bruce got up and picked up the tray. “We have the results of your amnio. Come to the lab and we’ll go over them.”

“Don’t leave me hanging, Doc,” Phil said with a bit of a grin.

“It’s normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. Do you want to know the sex?”

“Sex?”

“Not that you have a choice, but it’s usually one or the other.”

Phil smiled broadly as he took in the news. “No, I don’t want to know.”

“Are you sure? It might make it easier on Clint.”

“I doubt knowing the sex will change his opinion. My mother used to say the surprise makes it more fun.”

“You got it. Don’t forget to come by. I want to go over everything with you.”

“Thank you, Bruce.”

When he was gone, Phil had already made up his mind about the surgery. He was more convinced than ever he was doing the right thing. He just wished he could persuade Clint.

~*~

**Day 142**

Phil had long give up his suits and instead wore loose sweats, sneakers with Velcro to loosen up when his ankles swelled and an oversized t-shirt to help cover his growing stomach. He had begun to fill movement a few weeks ago and when he told Clint, another argument had erupted. Phil had slammed the bedroom door behind him and he later realized Clint had spent the night on the couch.

The tension in their relationship was thick enough to cut with a knife. Phil was burying himself in work and Clint was taking every mission he could get. It meant more nights alone for Phil.

Phil was glad Clint was finally getting some extended time at SHIELD HQ. He hoped that time off meant they could finally put these issues to rest once and for all. Phil needed alone time with Clint and he debated on a short romantic holiday at the beach, but then he grew more depressed.

As he pushed the bites of fruit around his plate, Phil shook his head. He had purposefully arrived early for breakfast and chose a completely different table.

“Phil?”

He looked up to see Pepper with Natasha carrying their breakfast trays. “Pepper, Nat. What are you doing here?”

“We have a women’s seminar this morning with the female SHIELD HQ employees,” Pepper explained. “Where’s Clint?”

“I’m not sure.”

“May we join you,” Natasha asked.

“I would love it.” Phil straightened. He was feeling better already.

~*~

When Clint arrived with his breakfast, he stopped. Sitting at another table was Phil with Maria Hill, Pepper Potts, Natasha, Jane Foster, Lady Sif and two other female SHIELD agents. There was no room at all for him. He saw the males sitting at their regular table and Clint took a seat.

“What’s going on over there?” Clint asked.

“It can’t be good,” Tony said. He stared harder trying to determine exactly what they were talking about.

“I’ve seen things like this before,” Jasper Sitwell told the men. “They’ll say it’s one thing, but it really is another.”

“It is the same on my world,” Thor told them. “We are still confounded by woman even with all our advancements.”

“What are you talking about,” Steve asked. “People have breakfast together all the time. Just because it’s all the women…and Coulson doesn’t mean it’s anything more than that.”

Clint stabbed into his plate. His eyes were on the back of Phil’s head. He tried to stare hard enough so that Phil would notice as if he had an awareness that he was watching him. It didn’t work.

“It’s called a book club. They always say it’s about a book, but then it turns into bashing our sex as if we’re Cro-Magnons that fall on them in regular intervals,” Jasper explained to the group.

“Oh, yeah, I know all about that shit,” Nick said with a slow nod. “I’ve got three ex-wives. See how you feel when you walk in the house and they’re all sitting on your fucking couch.”

~*~

“Do you have a due date, yet?” Jane asked.

“No,” Phil answered. “At some point we will pick a surgery date. It’ll be early November.”

“Wouldn’t a Halloween baby be fabulous,” Maria said. “I always wished my birthday was on Halloween.”

“Oh,” Pepper remembered. “Phil, are you having a baby shower?”

“A baby shower?” He shook his head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Why?” Natasha asked. “You haven’t bought anything.”

“What?” Pepper was aghast. “You haven’t bought anything? Not even onesies?”

“What’s a onesie?” Phil asked.

“I can’t believe this? Maria said. “You should at least have a car seat by now.”

“These words are strange to me,” Lady Sif proclaimed. “You have not made preparations for the new life coming into your world?”

Phil swallowed the large lump in his throat and shook his head. He yanked out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. “Damn hormones.”

“I thought this was a normal pregnancy?” Jane asked.

“It’s as normal as woman’s,” Phil told her. He blew his nose a little and continued. “Clint’s had a difficult time with the situation.”

Maria muttered a curse under her breath. She leaned forward. “Let me tell you something, Phil Coulson. Barton is a hell of a good agent, but he’s not the one that’s pregnant. You are. To hell with his difficult time.”

“Son of Coul, my good friend speaks the truth. On Asgard, all those who choose to carry a life within them bears a great and wonderful burden. They are treated with honor and respect most especially during their time.”

“I don’t blame him.” Phil knew he was going to cry again. “I’m so damn fat, and ugly, and I’m fat! We haven’t had sex in weeks. He can’t stand to touch me.”

“This is unacceptable,” Pepper said. “We can’t let this continue. Am I correct, ladies?”

Natalie’s hard gaze went to Clint whose eyes remained down. “Absolutely,” she promised.

~*~

“There is something definitely up over there,” Bruce observed. “Look at them.”

Clint’s eyes lifted just a little bit and his eyebrows furrowed together when Pepper reached over and took Phil’s hand in hers.

“Gentlemen,” Nick said. “You are witnessing the beginning of another battle of the sexes in a war that’s lasted since Eve gave that fucking apple to Adam.”

“Actually, that’s not entirely correct if you believe the myth.”

“Please don’t fact check that,” Tony told Bruce. “We’re going to solve this problem right now.”

“How’s that?” Steve asked.

“We’re all going to march over there and invite everyone to a beautiful night on the town,” Tony declared. “We’ll get a limo, go to a trendy restaurant and then Phantom of the Opera. All woman love Phantom of the Opera.”

“Phil hates it,” Clint said. “He called it pretend pretentiousness.”

“Tony,” Steve said. “Has anyone ever told you that you know nothing about women?”

“Well, a few times,” he admitted. After a thought, he said “Pepper tells me that on a daily basis actually.”

“Look,” Bruce said. “Pepper’s coming over.”

The men all sat up straighter at the same time as she made her way to the table. She had the most pleasant of smiles. “Gentlemen, I have been elected spokesperson for our little group.”

“What is it, Ms. Potts,” Nick said.

“It’s come to our attention that one of our own is in dire need of respite. It is my intention to see to it personally along with Natasha, Maria, Jane and the Lady Sif.”

“One of your own?” Clint asked with raised eyebrows.

“Barton,” Fury warned. He turned his attention back to Pepper. “How much time do you need?”

“Two days starting today at noon when we finish with the seminar.”

“You may have it.”

Clint shook his head. “You’re not seriously thinking that Phil…”

He never finished the sentence. Pepper did an about face and left with the woman and Phil.

“Barton, I’ve got some bad news,” Nick told him.

“What’s that?”

“Phil Coulson isn’t one of us any longer.” Nick adjusted his eye patch as he watched the group leave.

Tony leaned forward. “He’s one of **them**.”

“What?” Clint asked. He was confused.

“He’s a woman, just like the rest of them. For all intents and purposes Agent Coulson is a woman.”

Clint was speechless. He watched the men, his friends, get to their feet and start to leave. Pissed, he shot to his feet.

“Phil Coulson is a man!” Clint stated. “I saw his dick this morning!”

The room stilled. Clint had no idea he had said it loud enough for anyone to hear.

He sunk back in his chair. “Fuck!”

~*~

Pepper led the way to the conference room with her phone to her ear. “That’s great, Malcolm. Yes, we’ll be there right after we’re finished shopping. Could you please have chef prepare something light?”

She smiled as she hung up the phone. “We’re taking the jet to Italy tonight. There is a fantastic spa. It’s very exclusive. I heard Beyoncé stayed there a week after Jay Z fell asleep at one of her OB appointments.”

“I can’t go to a place like that,” Phil said. “No one is supposed to know about this.”

“Oh, Phil, I promise they are very discreet. For what it costs, it sure as hell better be.”

“I find this thrilling,” Lady Sif explained. “It’s as if we are going into battle.”

“Battle?” Jane nodded.

“If it wasn’t one now, it sure as hell is now,” Maria said.

“Where is this battleground?” Lady Sif asked.

Phil Coulson smiled. “It’s called Macy’s.”

~*~

**Day 201**

Phil finally got his baby shower. Sitting on the coffee table were unopened gifts and others that he had already gotten into. The apartment he shared with Clint was full of ladies from SHIELD including Maria, Pepper, Natasha, Jane and Lady Sif.

He took the cloth wrapped gift from Sif. He opened it and was taken aback by the beauty. He lifted the beads carefully and admired the rich colors.

“They are Odin prayer beads,” Sif explained. “An antiquated gift by our standards to be sure. Tradition states the gift is given to every new life so that they may find tranquility and beauty in themselves.”

“This is beautiful, Sif,” Coulson said. “It will be treasured.”

After Phil set the gift aside, Natasha held out her present. “Open mine next.”

“Thanks, Nat.” Phil ripped open the paper and removed the lid. “Oh, my.”

He lifted a gorgeous crocheted baby blanket. The Aran Tree of life was knitted into the body. The entire room oohed at the exquisite work.

“Tasha, this is amazing. Did you make this?”

“You tell anyone,” Natasha said, “and I will hunt you down. Every one of you.”

Phil started to put it aside when he saw something else in the box. He took out a beautiful sleeper outfit and the women admired it. He lowered it and looked at Natasha.

“Dolce & Gabbana?”

“What else?” Natasha simply replied.

The door opened and everyone turned to see Clint walk inside.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. He went past them and headed to the bedroom.

“Excuse me,” Phil said. He managed to push up from the chair and followed Clint to the bedroom. “I was hoping you’d show up.”

“I’m headed to the gym at SHIELD.” Clint grabbed his backpack and went to the closet. “I told you I’d stay out of your hair for this party of yours.”

“You should stay.”

“Don’t know why you think I should. I’ve been against this from the beginning and you know it.”

“I guess I keep hoping that you’ll start seeing things my way.”

Clint stopped what he was doing. “Your way. Is that right?” He came around the bed and stood in the middle of the room. “It seems like everyone else is seeing this exactly your way. Isn’t that what you want, Phil?”

“I want your support, Clint.”

“Can’t give it,” Clint said shaking his head. “That thing in you is going to kill you and you’re too fucking blind to see it.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that everything is progressing normally? There is nothing wrong.”

“Can’t you hear yourself? You’re a fucking man, Phil! Stop calling this thing normal!”

“It’s not a thing!” Phil fired back. “I’m pregnant and it’s a baby. It’s ours!”

“No!” Clint yelled back. “It was never mine and you know it! Let’s have a little bit of truth here for a change. What the hell were you thinking that day on Asgard?”

Phil lowered his eyes and then looked at Clint. “I saw those families and that machine. I wanted to know what our baby would look like. Then I wondered what it would be like for us and I liked what I saw in my head.”

“There you go. That machine saw what was in your head and stuck god-knows-what inside of you.”

“That’s not true,” Phil said. “Bruce did genetic testing when I had my amniocentesis. This baby’s DNA is all ours…yours and mine.”

“God, this is so fucked up.” Clint rubbed his face. “That is impossible!”

“So are aliens and advanced technology, Clint!” Phil stepped closer. “How about some honesty from you for a change? You’ve been fighting me and what’s happened since day one. I want to know why.”

“I don’t want you to die. How much clearer can I make myself?”

“You’re lying. I can tell. There’s a lot more to it and we both know it.”

Clint shook his head and turned back to his bag. He opened it wider, opened his dresser and dropped some things into it.

“Answer me!” Phil demanded.

Clint rounded the bed and stopped in front of Phil. “I don’t want a baby! Alright!”

“What?”

“Do you for one second think I would bring a kid into this fucking decaying world we’re living in?” Clint loudly asked uncaring of who would hear him. “No one deserves to live in this rotting cesspool!”

“Clint…”

“I don’t want a kid. I never did! If you had even said two words about wanting a baby, I would have set you straight and none of this would have ever happened!”

Clint continued packing his bag. “It’s just as much my fault. I should’ve told you before walking into this relationship.”

Phil watched him add more items. “Are you coming back?”

“I think it’s best if I stay away for a while. We’re hurting each other too much.” Clint slung the backpack over his shoulder and started for the door.

“Clint, I don’t want you to leave.”

“I can’t do this. I won’t.”

After he was gone, Phil planted his hands on the chest of drawers and lowered his head. Tears flowed freely down his face and a burst of anger exploded from him. He slammed the tall dresser into the wall knocking the two bottles of cologne over.

Pepper came into the room. “Phil? Clint left. Are you okay?”

Keeping his head down, Phil answered. “No.” He looked up at Pepper and then walked into her open arms. “He’s gone, Pepper.”

~*~

A few minutes later Pepper walked into the living room. “I think it’s best if we end the baby shower, ladies. Phil isn’t feeling well right now.”

Jane stood. “What happened, Pepper?”

“I’ll explain later.” Pepper went back to the bedroom.

As the rest of the women began leaving, Lady Sif grabbed her shield and sword. “I must speak to Clint Barton now!”

“No.” Natasha stood up and hardened her gaze. “He’s mine.”

~*~

Clint was at the punching bag hitting it as hard as he could. The rage poured off of him as he slammed his fists into the leather never letting up. The more he thought about the insane situation, the more his fury continued to build.

He stopped after catching his breath he walked to the bench near the far wall and sat down. Clint took a long drink from the bottle and refused to allow himself to reflect on the latest argument with Phil. Clint took the bottle of water and dumped it over his head.

Clint heard the door and looked at Natasha coming towards him. She had a steely glint in her eyes.

“Tasha? What’s wrong?”

She walked past him and headed to the boxing ring. Before getting in, she kicked off her shoes and got inside.

“I want to talk to you, Barton. Now.”

“I’m not in the mood for your shit, Nat.”

“Get in this ring now or I’ll drag your unconscious body into it.”

There was no doubt she’d do it so Clint got up and went to the ring. Once inside, he planted his hands on his hips. “What is your problem?”

“You.”

She attacked immediately and Clint barely managed to deflect her. He thought he would be able to feint and catch her off guard, but she knew his moves too well. She got her leg behind his head and used her body to bring him down to the floor of the ring. Natasha was on his back and using her knee to keep him in place, she pulled his arms back and he had zero leverage to unseat her.

“You listen to me, Clint Barton,” Natasha said, her voice laced with rage. “Phil Coulson saved our lives more than I can count. He stood by you against Fury for not putting a bullet in my head when I was rogue before working for SHIELD. Phil Coulson has given us everything. He doesn’t deserve you being a dickless asshole to him!”

“Tasha,” Clint grimaced. “I give up.”

She flung his arms down and got off him then stepped back. “He didn’t deserve what you did to him.”

Clint moved to a seating position and rubbed one of his shoulders. “That thing will kill him.”

“It’s a baby, Clint. Not a thing.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Clint got to his feet and jumped out of the ring. “Someone says baby and everyone goes into fucking meltdown mode as if having it’s the best fucking thing ever.”

“It is the best fucking thing ever.”

Clint continued flexing his shoulder. “I’ll tell you what I told him. I don’t want a baby and I never did. I never will.”

“Too late now.”

“Fuck you, Natasha!” He saw the corner of her mouth lift and he shook his head. “Phil stepped on that thing wanting a kid, Nat. That’s why this happened.”

“I figured it was something like that. He wants a family. Who can blame him?”

“I can. He had plenty of opportunity to come clean.”

“Come clean?” Nat nearly laughed. “You act like he was keeping a deep dark secret from you, Clint. Why are you passing the buck to him? He’s not the only one in that relationship, you know.”

“I don’t want to be a fucking father, Nat!” Clint yelled. “I never did and I fucking never will! Is that clear enough for you?”

“Well, I can think of worse things than being a father,” She said with a roll of her eyes.

“I can’t,” Clint shot back.

“And the truth shall set you free.” Natasha walked forward. “This entire time it’s been about your father.”

“Damn you and that fucking psych bullshit of yours.”

“You might as well just confess the rest of it.”

Clint took a deep breath then walked to the punching bag. He half-heartedly hit it and then turned back to Natasha. “When I was 8 years old, I was running home from school. As soon as I got there, I dumped my books on the table and headed to the backyard. The old man was there and he told me he had a surprise for me in the garage. I thought he had fixed my bike.” He rubbed his eyes determined not to let the memory overtake him. “My dog was hanging from a fucking rope.”

“Bastard,” Natasha said so low that Clint never heard her.

“He shit on the floor while I was at school. The old man was too drunk to let him outside. Mom was at work at the time. He made me bury my own fucking dog, Tasha.”

Natasha moved close to Clint and set her hands on his arms. “That’s not you, Clint. It never will be.”

Clint jerked away from her. “You don’t know that.”

“I know you.”

Clint leaned in close and stated matter-of-factly, “Everything I know about being a father I learned from him.”

He turned around, went to the bench, snatched up his backpack and left the gym.

~*~

**Day 236**

Bruce helped Phil sit up and then leaned against the counter with his clipboard in his hands. “I’m worried about you.”

“Is something wrong?”

“You’re blood pressure is slightly elevated and you lost four pounds since your last visit a week ago.”

“I’m being careful,” Phil assured him. “Since I started maternity leave, I’ve been getting more rest.”

“You’re not eating well and you’re under stress, Phil. I don’t like it.”

“I’ll do better.” Phil slid off the table and buttoned his shirt. He ran his hands over his stomach and felt a slight roll as a result. He nearly smiled. “Is surgery still scheduled for the 8th?”

“Sure. Do I have to tell Tony to go ahead and install Jarvis at your apartment?”

“He already tried,” Phil answered. “He’s given me four different baby monitors. Not sure I trust them.”

“Who would?”

“I’ll see you next week.”

“Your weight better be up,” Bruce warned. “I’ll send Fury after you.”

Phil laughed a little and left.

~*~

**Day 251**

Phil was trying to avoid going insane being at home so much. He was accustomed to flying all over the world, dealing with global crises and navigating the strange and unusual. He was about to take on his biggest challenge yet and he was nowhere near ready for it.

It was made all the more painful by Clint’s absence. Despite the regular visits from the girls, the Avengers and Nick, he hated going to bed alone every night. Nothing hurt more than seeing that empty pillow next to him. Nick assured him that Clint was fine and had made a nuisance of himself by hunting for the most distant missions he could find. Clint was alive and right now that was all that mattered. Phil was finding comfort in the baby that would soon arrive. He’d always have a part of Clint with him.

Phil was surprised by the bout of morning nausea and a few crackers kept it at bay for the most part. He spent the day readying the baby’s room. Steve had showed up that morning with an armload of baby gifts.

The nausea was being a bit more persistent so Phil headed to the kitchen for chicken noodle soup. It was one of the few dishes that could satisfy his hunger, provide nourishment and ease the nausea. He searched the cabinets and found one can on the top shelf.

Phil stretched his arm up and just as his fingers got a hold of it, a rip of excruciating pain tore across his midsection. He folded over and nearly screamed in agony. Phil hit the floor and the agonizing tearing continued inside.

It took everything he had to crawl across the floor into the living room. Phil got a hold of his cellphone on the coffee table and set it on the floor. He tapped #2 and it dialed.

~*~

Clint had just filed his last report with his handler for his latest mission. He knew if he went after one more mission, Fury would bench him. He missed Phil more than he’d ever admit to anyone. Clint would scroll through the pictures on his phone just to see Phil’s face.

He had gotten guest quarters at SHIELD since leaving Phil and was on his way when his phone rang. It was Phil.

“Hello?”

~*~

“Clint,” Phil breathed. Another streak of pain ripped through him. “Help me.”

~*~

“Phil! Phil! Goddamn it, answer me!” Clint yelled into the phone.

He turned around and shot down the hallway to the lab where he found Tony and Bruce.

“Stark, get me to Phil. Now!”

“What’s wrong?” Bruce asked.

“I don’t know. He just said help me and I fucking lost him!”

Tony had his suit on in no time. “Come on.”

“I’ll get an ambulance on the way,” Bruce said as he picked up the phone. “We have a private wing set up at St. Agnes.”

~*~

Tony got Clint to the apartment in no time. Clint busted through the door and his heart clenched at seeing Phil lying on the living room floor barely conscious.

“Phil?” Clint said. Phil’s eyes were barely open. His pale face was covered in perspiration. “Come on, baby. Stay with me.”

“Take care of the baby,” Phil whispered. “Please.”

“You’re going to be fine,” Clint swore. “Just hold on.” He looked up at Tony. “Where in the hell is that ambulance?”

“Jarvis?” Tony asked.

“Three minutes, sir,” Jarvis answered.

“You hear that, Phil,” Clint leaned in closer. “Just a couple of minutes. You’ve got to hold on for me.”

“I love you. I swear I do.”

“I know, just hold on.” Clint took hold of Phil’s hand and squeezed his eyes shut. “You’ve got to be okay. I can’t lose you.”

Clint didn’t know that Phil had already lost consciousness.

~*~

Upon arriving at St. Agnes, Clint stayed close to the gurney as it was pushed through the double doors. They were met by Bruce and a team of SHIELD medical professionals.

Clint tried to follow, but Bruce stopped him at the door. “Just let us work on him.”

When Clint found the waiting room, the Avengers and friends were gathering and the wait was just beginning.

~*~

“OR now,” Bruce ordered.

Phil’s body was moved to the operating room and the team moved in. Bruce was scrubbed and ready to go by the time Phil was under.

“Vitals?”

“BP 110 palp,” a nurse announced. “Pulse 52 and thready.”

“I need four units cross and typed,” Bruce ordered as he watched Phil’s abdomen being prepped.

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Malcolm?” Bruce asked.

“He’s ready,” the anesthesiologist replied.

“Let’s make this fast, folks.” Bruce held out his hand. “Scalpel.”

The instrument was slapped in his hand and he began cutting. As soon as Phil was open, the blood was everywhere. The blood was coming from a tear in the uterine wall was a result of separation from the small intestine.

“Suction that,” Bruce ordered.

He opened up the uterus and managed to get the baby out. Bruce handed the infant off to neonate specialists and went back to work on Phil. The blood was filling the cavity faster than he could repair the damage.

“Goddamn it!” Bruce swore. “I can’t see a fucking thing. More suction.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Vitals.”

“50 palp,” Malcom answered.

“Damn it, Phil,” Bruce muttered. He was losing him.

Bruce was briefly when he heard the loud cry of the baby. “Apgars!”

“Seven.”

“Check it in 15.” Bruce nearly had the bleeding stopped. Suddenly Phil flatlined. “Shit!”

“Doctor?”

“Just a few more seconds! We can’t defibrillate until we get this bleeding under control.”

The monitor continued to show a flat line as Bruce frantically worked to save Phil’s life.

~*~

Everyone was in the waiting room hoping for good news. Nearly an hour had passed since Phil had been taken into the OR. Clint continued to pace back and forth.

The more Clint thought, the more agitated he was becoming. His pacing was gradually increasing. “What the hell is taking so fucking long?”

“Easy, Clint,” Steve said. “These things take time.”

“How would you fucking know?”

The tension in the room rose. No one spoke for a few minutes until Pepper went to Clint.

“He will get through this, Clint. You have to believe that.”

Clint folded his arms and didn’t speak for a moment. “I damn near had him talked into getting rid of that damn thing inside him. Then you had to stick your fucking nose in where it didn’t belong!”

Tony jumped to his feet. “Step off, Robin. Pepper is not to blame.”

“Not alone she isn’t. You all are to blame for this. I warned every fucking one of you that this thing could kill him and it’s doing just that. You saw him, Tony! You all went fucking insane thinking we were adding a baby to this fucked up world we live in without thinking about the consequences.”

“Ease up, Clint,” Natasha said. “No one had any way of knowing what would happen.”

“I knew and look what happened.” Clint squared his gaze at Pepper. “You had to throw a fucking baby shower for that goddamn thing that’s tearing him up from the inside out.”

Pepper was near tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to him, Pepper,” Tony said. “He left Phil when he needed him the most. The last thing Barton deserves is our fucking pity.”

“You son of a bitch!” Clint tore at him and Steve pulled him back. The room erupted in chaos as Tony and Clint were at each other’s throats.

“What the fuck is happening here!” was yelled across the ruckus. They stopped and turned. Nick Fury was just in the door.

Tony shook Natasha off him and stepped away. Clint relaxed as well.

Bruce had just come in and took off his surgical cap. “Are you all finished? I’d hate to bring out the other guy.”

“How is he?” Clint asked impatiently.

“It’s too soon to say right now. He flatlined on the table.” Bruce shook his head. “The Asgardians are definitely made of sterner stuff than we humans. Apparently, the uterus in Phil had detached from his lower intestine which caused significant blood loss. Human males were not designed to hold up under such stress. Phil lost a significant amount of blood. He’s getting a transfusion as we speak.”

“Can I see him?” Clint asked.

Bruce thought for a moment. “Sure, just for a minute.”

Clint followed Bruce down the hallway to another room. He was confused. “What is this?”

“Have a seat,” Bruce told him.

“You said I could see Phil.”

“Be patient. Now, have a seat.”

Clint did as ordered. A few minutes later a small bundle was brought to him. The nurse placed the infant in his hands and Clint was sure his arms weren’t operating right.

“Here, let me show you.” Bruce leaned in and helped adjust the infant in his arms to a more acceptable position. “I’m told you become an old hat at this in no time.”

Clint looked down. “What is this?”

“Well, you and Phil never did come up with a name. It’s safe to say she’s your daughter if we didn’t switch her with another baby on the way here.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You and Phil are the proud parents of a healthy newborn daughter. She weighed 6lbs 8oz and she is 22 inches long. She screamed her head off the entire time she got her first bath. She has a set of lungs.”

Clint was still unsure of what he was looking at. “She’s damn small.”

“Yeah, I hear they don’t stay that way for long.”

The infant had worked a hand out and sucked on her fist. The moment Clint touched her hand she immediately took his finger into her hand and held it tightly.

“God, look at what she’s doing.” Clint couldn’t believe it. She had an iron grip on his finger. Her blue eyes gazed up at him and Clint was sure that his heart flip-flopped as a result. “She’s got his eyes.”

“I think that’s your nose,” Bruce said. “She looks a lot like you and Phil.”

“No, not me” Clint said never letting his eyes leave the infant girl. “She’s beautiful just like him.”

Bruce kneeled down. “Natasha told me about your father, Clint.”

Clint began shaking his head. “I can’t be a father to this baby, Bruce.”

“You haven’t been defined by your father for a hell of a long time.” Bruce put his hand on the baby’s head. “She’s a part of you and she is your future. Let that be what defines you.”

Tears welled up in Clint’s eyes as he rubbed his thumb over the small hand that still gripped his finger. “What if he dies? I can’t do this alone.”

“She’s your daughter, Clint. You will never be alone,” Bruce promised.

~*~

Seeing Phil for the first time was overwhelming. Monitors and IV’s surrounded the bed almost making Phil seem smaller than he was. Clint took the seat next to the bed and lowered the rail. He took hold of Phil’s hand.

“It’s a girl,” Clint told him. “I know you wanted to be surprised, but I bet you didn’t count on a girl.” He lowered his head until the top of Phil’s hand touched his forehead. “God, I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you for hating my guts, but I swear I will spend my life making it up to you. Don’t make me take care of this baby alone, Phil. I don’t know if I can do it.”

Clint kept his head down and rested it on the bed. He allowed his eyes to close and how much time had passed, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he felt something on his head. Clint slowly opened his eyes and sat up. When he looked at Phil, he saw awake eyes staring back at him.

“Phil?” Clint nearly yelled in joy when Phil moved his head. “You’re going to make it. You are!”

“A daughter?” Phil whispered.

“Yeah, we have a baby girl.”

“I love you.”

Clint gave Phil a gentle kiss on the lips. “I’ll get Bruce.”

~*~

There were six nurses assigned to take care of both Phil and the newborn baby, Savannah Rose Barton-Coulson. One of the nurses, a 25 year nursing veteran, wheeled the infant in the bassinette back to a quiet room with an observation window.

She parked the bassinette near the window and went to her counterpart. “How’s the other patient?”

“Fine,” She didn’t look up from her notes. “It’s too bad this is classified.”

“Why?” The elder nurse took a seat.

“Just think. If men wanted to try to have babies, this story would certainly keep the practice in our backyard where it belongs.”

The other nurse chuckled.

“Oh. My. God.”

Both nurses turned towards the window and the scene was as shocking as anyone would ever imagine.

Thor, the god of thunder, Captain America, and Iron Man were all making insane faces at the newborn.

“Damn them for taking our cellphones.”

 

 

EPILOGUE

One Year Later

A small Cape Cod style house on the corner with a large tree in the front had been the center of much speculation by neighbors. It wasn’t so much as the male couple who were raising their daughter together as it was the comings and goings of eccentric billionaires, the odd thunderstorm on occasion and mysterious black SUV’s.

On this day, it had been a birthday party of monumental proportions that attracted more people than the quiet neighborhood had seen since a former president’s motorcade had gotten a flat tire two blocks over.

Inside the perfect home, Phil was cleaning up the paper plates with half-eaten cake and melted ice cream. Clint had set Savannah in her playpen so he could look through the pamphlets that Pepper had left him.

“What’s that?” Phil asked.

“I’m not telling,” Clint answered.

“I saw Pepper sneaking them in the drawer.”

Caught. “It’s just two preschools.”

“We can’t afford those.”

“Pepper said we might be able to get her a scholarship to help with expenses. One recommendation from that Prime Minister you know would…”

“I said no. She’s only a year old. Besides, I don’t want our daughter in some snooty private preschool with a five year waiting list.”

“Three,” Clint corrected. “What about this other one? Beyoncé and Jay Z’s kid went there.”

“I have a better idea.” Phil pulled Clint close.

“I like this one, but she’s still awake.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter. How about we wait and enjoy as much of her childhood as we can. Before you know it, we’ll be just old men that will embarrass her when she starts dating.”

“Yeah, I’m making a special arrow for that,” Clint said with a look.

Savannah giggled and both Clint and Phil watched her with smiles. She had pulled herself up and much to their surprise she took a step inside of the playpen with no assistance.

“Did you see that?” Clint exclaimed!

“Let’s get her out and see if she’ll do it again,” Phil said. He took hold of the little girl.

“You know, she could be a gymnast,” Clint said with a wide grin. “I should call Pepper.”

“Come on,” Phil sighed. “Let’s see if she can walk first. The Olympics can wait.”

 

END

 


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